Tuesday, October 26, 2010

When Friendships Become More

When two people are good friends, and know more about each other than their respective families do, it's great!

Right?


Not always the case, let me tell you.  Sometimes it's painfully obvious that the universe conspires to keep people apart.


Take, for instance, my friends Kathleen and Steve.  They are really good friends, they know stuff about each other that their families don't even know.  They used to live in the same country, but after having trouble with her ex, and concerns about the safety of her child, she moved away to another country.  But she remained in contact with Steve, and they have had some wonderfully close conversations.
Kathleen's heart has always been closed off to the possibility of another relationship, due to the experiences she went through with her ex, who is also the father of her child.  She was determined to never go back to her home country, in order to keep her child safe.
But now, she is considering her options.  Well, at least her heart is.  She now feels ready to open her heart again, to Steve, and that prospect doesn't scare her any more.  She did entertain the idea of going back on the dating scene and finding someone local and available, but her inner voice is totally opposed to the idea.
She is not completely sure that what she feels is love, and yes this doubt is a throwback to the relationship with her ex.  But she wants the chance to explore her options with Steve, and see if they have any chemistry together, or whether she is just being delusional.
With Steve and Kathleen being in two different countries, their circumstances in life are working against them being together.
Steve has children that Kathleen would never ask him to walk away from. 
Kathleen still has the issues with being frightened her ex would get unauthorised access to her child.  She knows if they were in a relationship, Steve would protect both her and her child, but there is still the fear there.  Kathleen's child, in their country of residence, is surrounded by family, and is settled in school.  Her child's behaviour in school has finally settled, and Kathleen knows that her child is happy where she is.  She feels that there is no point uprooting her child from her stable environment, and taking her back to an unsettled one, where they would have minimal family around them.
Kathleen has told Steve that she has feelings for him, but she has no idea how he took that news, because the subject has never come up in conversation again.  She fears that if she pushes it, she will lose his friendship, which would leave her devastated.
And yet the feelings she has for Steve still remain.  So now she has a problem.

Should she tell Steve that she loves him, risk losing his friendship, and possibly gain an even closer friend?
Or should she leave things how they are, say nothing, and enjoy their friendship?

I don't know what to tell Kathleen, so I need some advice.  What do you think she should do?
Please leave your suggestions below, and I will show her when she comes online.  She has given me permission to share her story. 



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